Friday, May 27, 2011

Just Keep Breathing

Hi.  You probably have noticed that I've been away for a few weeks.  And I have been "away".   Not so much physically - although I was in Flagstaff last weekend working at a conference - I've also been away mentally and spiritually.

While dealing with one major stressing event in my life, I was sucker-punched with another.  That took the wind right out of me.  I won't go into these events because it would start to sound like a country western song.  I hate country western songs.  I really, really hate them.

My journaling stopped for a few days, too.  I had to stand still and deliberately force myself to breathe (in the metaphorical sense).  Then, slowly, haltingly, I picked up the pen.  It took time but eventually I was able to let go and let fly.  It's all splattered, blotched and bleeding all over the page.  And that's the best place I know to leave it.

The very physical act of pushing your thoughts out of your head, down your arm, through your hand, out through the pen and onto the page is one of pure magic.  Best drug I've ever taken, too. 

I also realize how incredibly lucky I am to live in such a safe environment that will allow me to do this drug.  (My brother-in-law once grabbed his daughter's diary and read it aloud in front of the family when he was on one of his Bible-thumping head trips.  I do not socialize with him.)

I guess what I really want to say here is that I may still be winking in and out of Daydreamers Welcome for a while.  I need more time and some space to work through this junk.  Fortunately for me, I have my freshly inked fountain pens and a stack of Clairefontaine and Rhodia notebooks waiting to help me along.