Tuesday, May 18, 2010

Whoa.

I am so surprised by the fact that this is a difficult post to write. A co-worker friend who reads my blogs and knows of the “news” asked why I hadn’t written about it yet. I guess my best answer is that I want it to be written not in an emotional rush but from a few day's distance. I tend to write in an "all or nothing" framework when I feel strongly about something and that drives people nuts.  Another surprise for me was my reaction to the news. I’ve been waiting for it so long that when it came, I was thrilled yet there was this lingering, nagging bit of let-down that I cannot explain. Totally weird, yes, but I am human and therefore unpredictable – even to myself.

The news? The news is that my company gained 3 smaller clients and 1 very big client so that by June 15th I will no longer have to work for the corporate mentality of those in the basement and can work full time upstairs in the light of day with the people who “get me.” (Bohemian Artist blends better upstairs than down.)

A further surprise that came out of my journaling about the news was that my irritation and frustration with Downstairs is draining out of me. What a cool side effect! Now, I’m turning my attention to the planning and restructuring of my work life and all the possibilities. (I can dump the four 10-hour days and go back to the regular five 8-hour days leaving me more energy at the end of the day. I can ditch the Franklin Covey planner! That’s huge for me, let me tell you.) 

However, as with most everything good in life, there are strings attached. (Aren’t there always strings?) Almost everyone upstairs will be affected. More work for everyone. The staff is stretched as it is, and this adds more to the workload. 

So where does this leave me? Better situated than I was; mentally relieved, physically relieved, and so far, spiritually relieved. I feel hopeful. Perhaps my writing will return. Perhaps my attitude will not only improve but also stay that way. Perhaps mental clarity will come back. Perhaps my headaches will go away. Perhaps there's even more benefits.