Friday, May 9, 2008

Wearing that ring…

I’ve taken off the ring I wore on my left hand. It was in place of my wedding ring that I grew too fat to wear. I’ve tried replacing it with rings that won’t be mistaken for wedding rings but it doesn’t feel right – nor does wearing nothing. But I’m determined to not put that ring back on unless WE mean it.

He has expressed his sadness that our home is disintegrating and I responded the same. Neither one of us is going to change enough to entice the other to change their heart. I regret what has happened but I cannot lie to myself or to him any longer.

It will be difficult. We are stretching it out because of his lack of self-sustainability and our daughter starting college in the fall. A clean swift break would have been easier but more hostile and pain ridden. This drawn out stress has brought me yet another head cold but I find that I’m not drinking as much as I have been. Truth is slowly setting me free.