Monday, May 19, 2008

Ten years ago…

I was still married, working full-time, deep in debt and yearning for something that I couldn’t put my finger on. I’d stare out the window now and then, eyes desperately searching for the horizon as if the magic were out there. Somewhere.

And I’d dream. I’d dream of a small apartment of my own not far from work so I could walk home for lunch. I’d dream of sitting under a shady tree with bits of sunshine tickling my bare toes as I read a delicious book. I’d dream of driving down unnamed roads with no destination in mind knowing that my answers would be at the end of that journey.

Then, I’d turn back to my computer screen and sigh.

That was then. This is now. Now I live by myself in a small house on the edge of the national forest. My nearest neighbors are a quarter mile away and I hear the silence of nature when I open my front door. I’m not rich, but I’m out of debt and I can easily pay my bills. I work from home. I write. I write my heart out and people actually buy those bits of my heart.

My daughter has a successful career and still has her feet firmly on the ground. She isn’t afraid to tell people “no.” Her sense of self is strong and I feel proud of that. No one is going to trample her under as I once was.

My ex-husband is the famous artist he wanted to be. He’s featured on a PBS documentary and his work is in several prominent galleries. But happiness didn’t come with that fame as he thought it would. He still searches for that perfect person to make him happy. I hope he finds her one day.

Ten years has brought quite a few changes in my life. I wonder where I’ll be in another ten?