Tuesday, May 27, 2008

“And it was at that age…” (after Pablo Neruda)

And it was at that age that I began to grow up. I realized that I deserved to be next in line and that it was NOT all right for someone to cut in front of me. It was okay to ask for help. It was okay to offer my opinion. It was okay to speak up.

50 years old and I still deferred to other people’s needs and wants before my own. It was time I stopped that. It was time to start looking to myself for what I needed and not at what was left over at the end of the day. Dreams are not scraps handed down from the dinner table. Dreams are the whole beef roast with mashed potatoes and blueberry pie with ice cream on the side.

So now, it looks like I’ve become suddenly selfish. There is quite a bit of adjustment to be made by others as well as myself. No one is going to help me get what I want unless I ask for it. I’ve kept quiet. I’ve been the “good girl” and the “good wife” and I am heartily sick of getting kicked in the teeth for it.

This all came to a head when I realized that with the exception of my daughter’s worn out bed and the broken folding chair I use for a desk chair, ALL of my furniture is second hand. Most of my dishes, bedding and linens are as well. 50% of my clothes are from thrift stores. I believe in recycling and not throwing useable items in the dump, however, when will I get my say as to what goes into my house, not to mention my life?

When will it be my turn? Now.