Sunday, January 4, 2015


“Okay, everyone.  Class?  Take your seats.  Quiet please!  Alright then.  Take out your book, Manual on Grieving and turn to page 115.
"Today we’ll be going over the first response to the news.  What to say, how to move your body in the appropriate manner to convey the situation, and most importantly, how to feel.  Yes, Ms. Bowers?”
“Ma’am, will we be going over the near death state?  I only ask because of my friend….”
“Would that be the coming back from or wavering on the edge?”
“The last one.  Wavering.”
“Not today, I’m afraid.  However, if you’d like to stay a bit after class I can give you a few quick pointers.”
            If only it were that easy.  But there is no manual.  No rules.  And, really, not even the 5 steps.  Each person does it differently and each situation is different yet again.   Anyone who knows me well will tell you of my near phobic loathing of saying goodbye.  Living or dead, I hate it.  I hide from it.

            A friend of over 25 years lies in a coma on a hospital bed receiving full life support.  This well-loved lady is surrounded by family and a hoard of friends, myself included, waiting for the latest news on a brain scan.

            The twisted part of me begins to compare it to Agatha Christie’s play “Ten Little Indians.”  Who among us will be the next one picked off?  How will it be done?  Will the detective solve the case before the killer takes aim at me?

            Then I chastise myself for making so light of the situation.  It isn’t about me.  It’s about her.

            And then it turns back to me.  What will life be like without the occasional breakfast chats we have?  Or house hunting for fun?  Or late night tears dripping into our wine?  Well, MY wine actually.

            But it isn’t about me.

            Yes, it is.

            And so on. 

            This is the part where I’d be searching the index of that manual.  P…p…per… Perspective.  Page 232. 

Saturday, June 7, 2014

Last Minute Transitions

This year is rather strange.

Transitions that normally flow throughout the year are bunching up in an effort to be done by the close of the first half.  It feels like the dam has burst or the clog in the pipe is pulled out.

Or so it seems.

In just these last few weeks:

  • I've repelled a perceived invasion, 
  • Informed my employer-provided health insurance was getting suckier and I can't do a damned thing about it (not even get my own),
  • My clothes dryer broke down,
  • Packed a roommate off to a longish visit in another town, 
  • Paid to have his pet reptile taken away to be properly looked after, and 
  • Said a final goodbye to a much beloved cat.  

Then the roommate came home unexpectedly and told me he was moving out.  (This is not entirely a bad thing, however.)

I'm emotionally exhausted and praying for it all to stop.

Yet, others are still undergoing the same process.  I just read of another blogger's loss.  Her love, her not-long-enough partner passed away yesterday afternoon.  And I know of two more in the early stages of being cancer caregivers.

I guess this is why people turn to religion, the stars, tarot cards, etc.  They need something to help them figure this all out. 

Me?  I went to my journals - art & written.  I'm feeling somewhat better.

Saturday, March 29, 2014

And I'm Back! Misc. Art Journal Pages

Yes, I'm still here.  Life has been happening so I was sidetracked for a while.

Art journaling has become something special in my life - a second way to getting my head cleared and some therapy for my "issues."

I've been doing my own Book of Days this year.  Using a larger format re-purposed book has helped me change up how I've approached it.  Sunday mornings are my key days for this.  I've elected not to share those pages here right now.  They are too big for my scanner and both too personal and too boring to post.

Mandala Magic 2014 is in full swing but this year I've fallen way behind.  Again - LIFE happened.  I haven't given up on it by any means and perhaps during some upcoming time off I'll be able to work on it.

The following pictures are from my other art journals.  These are from June 2013 to February 2014.

Black & white Zendoodle inspired pages:

Mandala Pages:

Two page spreads:

And the rest: